the bargain

January 13, 2009

picture-41Over dinner last night Midge said she has deleted my name from her list of potential boyfriends because I do not dance.

The truth is I actually do dance, but only in horizontal positions. Of course I didn’t tell Midge that, she is a very well brought-up girl, and doesn’t engage herself in risqué talks.

Of all the reasons I got deleted from the lists of the girls I like, Midge’s seems the most reasonable. It’s reasonable because dancing is part of her of joie de vivre. And unlike shopping for Pradas and Guccis, dancing is a very musical undertaking and that is something very profound.

Compare that to say, the girl who deleted me for my lack of intellect… I mean, truthfully, you tell me, with all puns intended, how on earth does constant nagging about Existentialism actually improve your daily existence?

I make good coffees, and I make great crepes (both the sweet AND the savoury type, for Christ’s sake). I’m a good handyman that gives better massage, often with plenty of extras thrown in too.

I secretly filter all them movies before watching them with you like I am watching them for the first time, because I know the pain of having to watch some imbecilic Tom Cruise shit.

I compile the iTune playlists to suit every possible mood you could be in (including our breakups).

I make sure your left shoe stays on the left and the right shoe right; and the damned yellow price stickers taken off the soles.

I make sure I wipe the Sensodine nozzle clean every morning, and I am always ahead of the blue indicator on your Oral Bs.

And you don’t remember when was the last time you need to charge the cellphone battery, do you?

You know why?

Because I always have 3 fully charged batteries for it.

That’s why.

So if Midge deleted me for being not much of a dancer, I can take it like a gentleman that I actually am.

I just have problems with others.

Plus, Midge is 84 this year and she doesn’t have time to waste on a guy like me.

But if you asked her, Midge would tell you that all things considered, I am actually not at all a lousy bargain.


8 Responses to “the bargain”

  1. Lish said

    I still think you can be my best neighbor :-)

  2. stevie said

    are you going to be borrowing salt, or having plumbing problems all the time?

  3. Crankster said

    All things considered, I think you’re a good bargain. :)

  4. andrea whatever said

    1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

    2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

    3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn’t lie to you.

    4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

    5. It is important that these four men don’t know each other.

  5. Pauline said

    well, I say….Amen!!! hahahaha!!! GBU! you’re a sweet person! indeed! hard to find these days!!!
    Do whatever suits you!!!

  6. rox said

    In a pile of “bargains”, I would call you a rare find. ;)

  7. stephanie said

    I think ya great too….. But its prolly the TIME factor that keeps us apart :(

  8. jojo said

    love is not a bargain
    love is a present…..a gift of the heart
    love is a presence…a gift of the soul

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